Endlessly
by freaking-incredible-homies
Summary: There are moments... moments that in a split second your life changes forever, and before you know it... you're somewhere else. Bella/Jacob for like, 5 seconds. All canon. All Human.
1. What a Day

**A/N- Hey guys. So this is our first fic, hope you guys enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns all, including us.**

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_Endlessly_

"There are moments. …Moments that in a split second your life changes forever, and before you know it... you're somewhere else."

What a Day.

EPOV

It was as if the weather was mocking us. Forks is known for its non-stop rain and cloud covers. But today, of all days, the sun was shining bright and the sky was a pearly blue.

There hasn't been a sunny day in this morbid little town for as long as I can remember. In fact, we were all complaining about the endless drowsy, rainy weather the last time we were all together and happy. Just two days before, my three goofy, quirky, and bookworm friends and me were sitting in our usual hang out enjoying each other's company. Now, Bella, Lauren, and I are standing in this dingy worn out cemetery mourning one of the most honest and best friends we had had the honor to know.

I guess there really are moments that in a split second your life changes forever, and before you know it... you're somewhere else.

I let out a soft sigh as I turn to see Bella shaking uncontrollably beside me, despite the fresh warm air. Her usual soft, heart shaped face that never failed to blush was now a sickly pale white. I watch the tears flow endlessly from her puffy, red eyes. I snake my arm around her waist and she cowers into my side. I sigh again and plant a small kiss on the top of her head. I hear a quiet growl but pay no attention to it.

The ceremony passed in a blur. All I could think about was the girl beside me. Her soft brown orbs now stained with non-stop tears, her full lips paled from lack of food and water. She leaned against my body the whole time, sobbing quietly into my tux. I don't even remember getting up to say my farewell speech for the man I once considered a brother. My brain was on autopilot and, before I knew it, the ceremony was over and we were in the car heading home.

I couldn't even appreciate the smooth ride of my silver Volvo gliding over the rare dry roads. The smell of the leather seats usually comforted me but I couldn't even focus on that when my love was in the front seat trying to hide her tears from me. I wish she would be more open with me. I watch her bury her head in her hands. I watch her chest heave in pain from her loss. I watch her legs shake uncontrollably. I watch her frantic hands try to wipe away the tears before I could see them fall. I watch her fail to do so as her traitor tears plopped against the leather. I watch her fall apart in front of my very own eyes, knowing there was nothing I could do to help her.

That's when my own eyes decided to betray me as I heard a light patter on the steering wheel from my falling tears. What a day.

I turn into my gravel driveway and spot Lauren pull in behind me in her old and shitty green Dodge Avenger. I need to teach that woman about cars. I ease the car into the garage and quickly wipe away the tears from my face before facing Lauren; she would never let me alone if she saw me crying. As I check myself in the rearview mirror to assure that my face hasn't gotten swollen from the tears, I see Lauren with a look of hatred etched on her face. Great. She decides today to pull out her selfish bitch side.

Thankfully, I hadn't been crying long enough for my face to get red so I was good to go. I climb out of the car and walk to Bella's side to help her out. Of course, she stumbles. I grab her hand and immediately wrap my arm around her to help steady her shaking legs. I hear that low growl again. Lauren grabs Bella from me and the three of us walk into my house in silence. An obvious tension building between us as we all realize that, from now on, the fourth member of our group will always be missing.

BPOV

I wept madly as I stood in the arms of Edward Cullen at my own boyfriend's funeral. It had been unreal, all of us together only two short days ago, now we can never be together again. The minister began his speech, but I had drifted off elsewhere, to the night I found out Bella and Jacob, can never be.

_The house looked oddly vacant as I pulled up after my shift at the small bookstore up in Port Angeles. I walked around inside, turning the lights on until I came to the kitchen where a note lay for me. It was from Jake- _

Gone to Edward's to watch the game.  
Be back around 11, love you!

-Jake

_A smiled formed on my lips as I thought about my love and my best friend, a couple blocks away watching and cheering on a sports game that I had absolutely no interest in. I removed my sweater, and walked into my bedroom where I collected some clothes and made my way to the laundry machine. I was tossing in a pair of Jake's pants, when I noticed something bulky in his pocket. I stuck my hand in to remove the foreign object, when I was shocked by the velvet feeling to it. Pulling out the object, I found it was a ring box. As I opened it up, tears forming in my eyes, I heard a phone ringing in the kitchen._

_I closed the box and stuffed it in my pocket as I ran towards the noise. I answered the phone with 'Hello?', tears still in my eyes.  
"Hello. Bella?"  
"Oh hi Carlisle. What's new?" I responded to Edward's father who sounded upset.  
"Bella, I'm afraid that Jake has been in a car crash. You should come to the hospital… he's not going to last much longer…" he trailed off, although I wouldn't have heard if he had said more either way as I had dropped the phone and was already on my way. By the time I got there, he was gone._

This made me sob even worse, and Edward held me tighter as we did. When he went up to the front to say his speech, I didn't hear a word he said, I sat there the whole time, feeling numb. They couldn't get me to stand and make it to the podium, I was too week, and their efforts were useless.

Before I realized, the ceremony was over and Edward was walking me to his car, placing me in the front seat, and heading towards his home. I tried to control my sobs, but that was useless. I could tell Edward was pained by how much Jake's loss had hurt me. I hadn't told anyone about the ring I found in his pocket. It was too much to thinking about; us being a family, with children, buying our own home- it was all too much. I stealthily took the ring out of my pocket and rolled it around on my palm, as Edward let a few of his own tears escape.

Once we arrived, he tried to help me into his house, but Lauren had grabbed me hastily and led me to one of the guest rooms, where I lay and cry for the rest of the night. I heard faint yells and shattering in the background, and felt a pair of lips press to my forehead and whisper reassurances to me.

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I'm not sure how long I was numb for, feeling nothing, no emotion, no anything, for day, weeks, months. I didn't know. I often lied in bed for hours, just staring at the ring that was going to be mine, but never thinking of what we could have been. I raised myself into a sitting position and looked towards the bedside table where a glass of water lay. I took a sip, and realized how parched I indeed was. After I finished the glass, I decided I should go downstairs and see if anybody was home, or if I had been imagining this whole thing. Esme and Edward had been sitting in the dining room talking in whisper when I stumbled in.

"Oh! Bella! You're up!" Edward called as he walked over to be and held me in an embrace, and for that one second, I felt content, as I wrapped my own arms around his torso and sighed.

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**A/N- Like it? Hate it? PLEASE REVIEW : )**


	2. Wishful Thinking

**A/N- HELLO! So we decided that this will be the real chapter one. We shall call the last thing, a prologue. : )  
Oh, and, remember that one little line in our 'prologue' where Edward called Lauren his girlfriend? Yeah, ignore that. It never happened. They're just friends. But, WELL, you'll see.  
Thank you x1,000,000 for the few who reviewed and alerted and read. It means a lot.**

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns all, including us.**

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Wishful Thinking

EPOV

I stayed with Bella until she finally fell asleep. After I heard her breathing even out, I gave her a soft kiss on the forehead before quietly easing myself out of the guest room.

I could tell she was numb, lifeless without her Jacob. They had been inseparable since the day I had introduced them to each other. Jacob and I had been friends since we had literally run into each other in a game of tag in preschool. We stayed friends even as I made my way through Forks Elementary, Middle, and High School and as he made his way through the schools on the reservation by La Push where he lived.

Lauren joined our little group in fourth grade when I accidentally hit her on the head with a paper airplane I had been trying to hit my brother, Jasper, with. She had looked at me with a stern face but then her cloudy gray eyes lit up and she asked if she could be my girlfriend. I obviously said yes, being the foolish 11 year old I was. We broke up after a week when I told her her hair looked stupid short. But, we stayed friends afterward. She was sweet and let me use her chair for a footrest when I broke my foot in fifth grade playing soccer. Now she's a bitch. A stalker bitch to be exact. She's been hanging around me like she's my girlfriend all over again and acting jealous whenever I have the slightest interaction with another girl. Including Bella. I'm glad I got myself out of that relationship quickly all those years ago.

I had met Bella in my biology class my junior year of high school. As soon as she sat down at my dusty old lab table and looked at me with those perfect brown eyes, I was done for. I knew we'd fall in love someday. I had never been a sucker for that love-at-first-sight thing, but just looking at her made my beliefs flip around. And that was how I felt just looking at her. When she opened her mouth for the first time and I heard that gorgeous sound come from those perfect rosemary lips as she introduced herself, I knew that she was the one I'd spend forever with. So, when I asked her to join Jacob, Lauren, and me for a movie, it was like the world ended when I saw Jake and her hit it off like they had known each other for years. That's when my jealousy first began.

Ever since then, Jake and me had been drifting apart. I couldn't stand to look at his black eyes and know that the sparkle was because of the love between him and Bella. Now, he's gone and I can't even mourn his death. My entire mind is mourning only the fact that Bella, the girl of my dreams, was dead behind the eyes and couldn't even form coherent sentences.

And my jealousy doubled. My best friend is dead and all I feel is jealousy. I'm jealous of the fact that Bella is numb inside because of Jacob. And because I know she wouldn't be acting that way if I were the one who was in the car that night.

"Edward?"

"Mmmm?" I slowly turn my heavy head toward the sound of my mother's soft voice and realize how far away I had been from reality. Esme gently glides to where I'm sitting and takes my hand in hers.

"I know how hard this is for you, dear," she lightly pats my thigh as she turns to look me straight in my eyes. "But, things will get better. Bella will heal and you," she lightly brushes away the tears I hadn't know I was crying. "You will find the solution to whatever you're fretting over."

"I love her Mom," I whisper, closing my eyes and remembering the perfect smile Bella used to shine with.

"Don't be silly dear, I already knew that." She giggles slightly. I stare at her with confusion clearly etched in my eyes. "Mothers know best." She winks and squeezes my hand.

"What am I to do?" I ask, voice shaking involuntarily.

"Like I said, you'll figure it out. Things will fall into place and you'll learn that everything happens for a reason." I just stare at her. She makes it sounds so easy. If it was, why was I hurting so much?

"EDWARD!" I hear a screechy nasal voice call my name and immediately regret telling her she can enter the house whenever she pleases. "EDWARD I NEED TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU NOW. YOU'VE BEEN ACTING- Oh hi Mrs. Cullen," she awkwardly finishes, shifting her feet and looking down at the gold carpet of our living room.

"Hello Lauren dear. I was just about to start dinner," Esme says, walking into the kitchen with a smirk on her face knowing what I am about to be stuck with.

"Hi Lauren," I growl at her. "Now really isn't the time to tell me how much of a dick I've been lately."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. It is _always_ the time to tell you how much of a dick you've been lately. Seeing as you never _stop_ being a dick." I roll my eyes; waiting for the rant I know is coming. "The way you touched Bella yesterday was very inappropriate and I'd expect better from you in a situation like this."

"And what situation would that be Laur the Dinosaur?" I ask pointedly, using the nickname our fellow students and me, behind her back of course, used to call her in middle school. She growls, walking over to get only an inch away from my face. I can smell the garlic and onion salad she had recently eaten emanating from her mouth.

"Don't. Call. Me. That. Now, back to the point. The way you touched Bella yesterday during and after the funeral would suggest that we are not a couple."

I gasp. "Lauren, you very well know that we are _not _in a relationship. That week in fourth grade was great and all, but seriously Laur, your hair looks hideous short," I finish by growling in her face.

"What? We're- but, the signs! All the signs!" She was talking rapidly to herself now. "That magazine… it said that the top 5 signs that a guy is into you were… he showed all the signs!"

She paces around the room once before stopping in front of me again. "That's it. We're over!"

"We never even started! I think you need to stop eating that salad you love so much. It makes your breath smell repulsive and apparently makes you lose some of the brain cells you already lack." That's when she slaps me.

"Um, ouch. What the hell is wrong with you? Get out of my house, I don't want to see your ugly flat face ever again." That's when she throws the vase my Father had given my Mother for their first anniversary across the room, shattering it to oblivion.

That's also when my Father walks in. "What in the Lord's name…" His eyes pop and they immediately land on Lauren cowering into the wall. "Get out of my house now. If I ever see you again I will call Bella's father. I don't think Chief Swan will mind writing out a restraining order for me," Carlisle shouted, using a tone I'd never heard from him before.

She quickly runs from the house and I plop onto the couch. That was more stress I did not need right now. "I'm sorry son, for shouting like that. But, that girl has something wrong with her." I chuckle. He was more right than he knew.

I sit there for a couple more hours, mulling over my thoughts. Eventually, Esme comes back in and joins me on the couch.

"Edward, I'm always here if you want to talk." I nod my head, trying to decide where to start.

"I love Bella and I don't know what to do about it. I love my dead best friend's girlfriend. I can't even mourn the fact that my best friend is dead. All I care about is his girlfriend and how I wish she were _my_ girlfriend. I feel like an arrogant, egotistical, moronic-"

"Edward, listen to me. I am your mother and I know everything. You are not arrogant, you are modest. You are not egotistical, you are humble. You are not moronic, you are precocious. You are my son and I raised you to be the young gentleman you are today. I understand how you feel, you're conflicted. You want to feel something but you feel something else. Just do what your heart tells you to do. Follow it."

"What if I don't know what my heart wants to do?"

"You'll figure it out. I believe in you." And when she said it, I believed it.

"Thanks Mom, you really do know everything." We both stood and hugged each other. Then I notice that Bella is walking into the living room, looking a bit more rested. The bags under her eyes are lighter and her face and lips have more color to them. I can almost see a blush rise on her cheeks from catching us in an intimate moment.

"Oh! Bella! You're up!" I call, running to catch her in a hug. She wraps her arms around my torso and a feeling of content washes through me. I think I feel her body ease at my touch but it may just be wishful thinking.

BPOV

I slowly and reluctantly pulled out of Edward's tight embrace, the feeling of calm and contentment leaving with the touch. Luckily, he grabbed my hand and intertwined his fingers in my own, serenity entering me again.

I couldn't explain my reaction to Edward, I never could. It was always different with him then every other man I have ever touched. Some people told me it was love, but I knew that wasn't it. Edward and I have always been friends, and strictly that. Jacob and he had known each other forever, and Edward would never be able to take somebody away from his best friend… would he?

Thinking of Jacob had set me into another numb stage, and Edward had to call my name multiple times before I even registered he was talking to me. He offered to take me out to lunch, and I took him up on this offer because I don't recall the last time I had eaten anything.

Before we left, I insisted on running to take a shower. I quickly got in and out from under the soothing water, and threw my hair up into a loose ponytail, not needing or wanting to impress anybody today.

I went to Alice's room, Edward's sister, and asked her if she had any clothes I could borrow. I only had the clothes I had been wearing since the funeral and I didn't think that would be suitable for lunch.

Alice and I had never really gotten close, and I didn't understand why. I liked her much better then I enjoyed Lauren's company, but for some reason, she still stuck around.

Alice gathered me some sweatpants and a baggy sweater, as the only things that would fit me from her wardrobe. Alice was only small, just under 5 feet, and I wouldn't have been able to fit into any of her other clothing. Before leaving, I asked her if she knew where Edward went. She told me he was down in the Volvo, waiting for me.

I hastily threw the clothes on and my shoes and walked slowly down the stairs, not wanting to trip and fall. But of course, that was too much luck on my part, as I tripped down the last three steps of the front porch.

Staying where I was, not daring to move, I felt a sharp pain course through my left leg. Before I had time to register any other facts, Edward was out of the Volvo and at my side, asking me seriously if I was alright. He had seated me on the bottom step and was carefully placing my leg on his knees.

I had to insist my leg was fine more than ten times before he helped me to the Volvo and sped down the long, winding driveway. We didn't talk the whole drive there, and I could tell by the look on Edward's face he could was deep in thought, which sent me into a thought of my own. Another of Jacob.

_I woke up laughing that morning as Jake tickled me awake. I had to slap his wrists repeatedly before he finally stopped, pulling me into a warm hug as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes._

"_Morning sunshine," he cooed as he placed a tender kiss on the side of my neck. I rolled onto my side, facing his smiling eyes. I propped myself up onto my elbows and glanced again towards the man lying in bed next to me. Getting up out of bed I called a quick 'Be back in a sec.' over my shoulder and walked into the bathroom. I swiftly washed my face and brushed my teeth and returned to Jacob's bed, where I wish I could stay all day, every day._

_He had his back propped up against the headboard, and so I straddled his lap as I climbed back onto the bed. I placed small kisses all over his face and he chuckled a deep, throaty laugh. He placed his hand on the small of my back and whispered into my ear._

"_I have something special for you tonight, babe." _

"_Oh really? And what might this surprise be?" _

"_You'll just have to wait and see," he retorted, rubbing small circles with his thumb on my back._

_I made a sound of impatience and gave him a chaste peck on the lips before removing my body from the bed and walking to the kitchen to get a pot of coffee started for me and Jake. He doesn't have to work today, but I did. So as the coffee brewed I stepped into the shower, letting the warm water massage my face and body. I towel dried my hair and went back into the kitchen, where Jacob was sitting at the table in a pair of baggy sweatpants drinking his coffee. Mine was set beside him. I kissed his cheek before I sat down and picked up my own mug, enjoying the warm mixture that went sliding down my throat._

_I tried to get Jake to tell me what this surprise of tonight was, and when tonight I was going to be surprised, but he wouldn't budge. My lip had jutted out at one point too, and he still refused. This must be a pretty special surprise; Jacob never ignored my pouty faced whimpers. I put my mug in the sink, and went to get dressed, quickly walking out the door and into my red truck only moments later. That surprise had kept me wondering all day, but now I wouldn't have to wonder any more._

A silent tear streaked down my face and I stealthy wiped it away- but I guessed it wasn't very stealthy. Edward turned to me, with sad eyes, watching another tear slip down my cheek. He pulled the car over to the side of the road, opened his door, rounded the front of the vehicle and had me in his embrace only moments later. Again, a feeling of unexplained calm and stability settled over me as I rested my head upon his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I'm so sorry Bella. We can turn around if you want, I can make you something back at the house. I mean, I know how- "

Before I even realized what I was doing, I stretched up on my tippy toes and pressed my lips urgently to his.

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**A/N- OH! WHAT HAPPENED THERE?**

**Yeah, we're not even too sure.**

**Like it? Hate it? PLEASE REVIEW : )**


	3. Follow It

**A/N-**

**Well hello there! It's been a while. A long while. A really long while. Which we apologize for. But, you know that thing called writer's block? Yeah, well, it kinda sucks. Plus, we've been busy. Cause school is annoying and unfortunately, takes over our lives. But, no worries! Cause here we are with chapter 2. : ) So, im going to stop rambling now and am going to let you read. ENJOY LOTS! We love each and every one of you. It's the truth. **

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns all. Including us. **

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Follow It

EPOV

I was leaning against my perfect car when I see Bella slowly making her way down the porch steps. Or more accurately, falling down the porch steps. Panic sprang through my body and I run to her, not wanting anymore harm to be done to that beautiful body of hers. I carefully examined every inch of her leg, even though she insisted she was fine. I didn't believe her; the girl always wanted the attention retracted from her. Plus, her leg was more than perfect. Silky smooth and pearly white, it rested on my leg like she was a marble statue. I held it there for a bit longer than need be, mesmerized by its beauty. I finally snapped out of my daydreams when I heard an impatient sigh escape her lips.

I led her to the car and we sat in silence. My mind had drifted back to the perfection that was her leg and I was caught up in a rather inappropriate fantasy when I hear Bella start to sob silently again. She quickly tries to rid of the tear, but I can tell she's in pain. I quickly pull the car over, wanting to do everything in my power to thaw her numbness and make her the loving, unselfish, and stubborn Bella I had come accustomed to.

As soon as I get her out of the car, I pull her into an embrace and let her stain my crisp white button down with her tears. She lays her head on my chest and I get the feeling that, again, my touch eases her pain.

"I'm so sorry Bella. We can turn around if you want, I can make you something back at the house. I mean, I know how- "

But she interrupted me. With her lips. She was standing on her tippy toes and before I knew it, I was experiencing the most unbelievable sensation my lips have ever witnessed. I responded immediately, our lips moving in perfect synch. So many images are flying through my head, all of Bella and I. I was in heaven. The way her beautiful eyes had fluttered shut when she first starting kissing me kept replaying through my mind. I couldn't get enough of the way her arms were wrapped around my neck. I wanted to pull her closer, I wanted this moment to last forever.

But, I knew I had to release her. This was wrong. Her feelings had just been locked up for too long and this was the only way she could express it. She was only wishing for Jacob, I was just a measly replacement. Begrudgingly, I pulled away. We stared at each other. Her eyes were wide with shock.

"Bella…"

"Edward..." she interrupted me. I held my breath. "I'm sorry. That was so inappropriate. I can't believe- Oh Edward I… I-," she muttered, crying again. I didn't know what to do. Was it okay to wrap her in another embrace that always seemed to calm her? Did she hate me now for not stopping the kiss sooner? Had I ruined everything?

After a few minutes of staring into each other's eyes, I sharply let out the breath I was still holding.

"Bella. I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry. I should have never kissed you like that. I know you're mourning Jacob- we all are. I've been acting so inappropriate. All the feelings you let out into that kiss, they were for Jacob, I know. I know that. But, I can't hold it in any longer…"

My mother's words came back to my head; _just do what your heart tells you to do. Follow it. _

"Bella. I know this is abysmal timing, but I can't hold it in any longer and I need to tell you before I screw everything up and you go away because of the stupid things I'll be sure to do." I inhale sharply, the cold and bitter air stinging my throat. She looked so confused, like I was talking nonsense.

I sighed once more before revealing what had been eating away at me for the past 4 years.

"I love you, Bella."

BPOV

_I love you, Bella. I love you, Bella. I love you, Bella._ The words tossed themselves around in my brain.

"Wait… wh... what?"

"Bella, I have loved you for four years. When you fell in love with Jacob, it… it tore me apart. I just, Bella, I don't know why I have never told you this before…"

I collapsed to the ground, and sat with my head between my knees and my thoughts came crashing down. _No, no, this _can't _be happening. He can't love me, I must be dreaming. Yeah, that's it, I'm dreaming. There's no other way to explain this, he can't love me!_

"Bella?! BELLA! What the hell happened? Bella, please, say something. Bella?" I heard Edward's panicked voice. I continued to sit there chanting to myself, with my head between my knees. I realized then, that I was not dreaming, because I pinched myself and unluckily, the scene did not change. I looked up into Edward's piercing green eyes and saw the sadness and love within them, and I also realized then that he was not lying. He had loved me, for four years, and I had not noticed. How is this possible? Am I really that oblivious? I began to feel woozy again, and almost fell backwards, but before I could, Edward was there to catch me. He gently lifted me into the car, for the second time that night and turned and got into his own seat.

"Edward? Why didn't you tell me? You could have told me before Jacob or before... or maybe… Edward, you should have told me." I concluded, not being able to find another suitable way to say the thoughts jumping around in my mind.

"Can we talk about this at the restaurant?" He asked me, looking at me questioningly. I only responded with a small nod of my head and turned to look out the window as he drove off down the street. His words rang through my head again, but that only made me think of the first time Jake told me he loved me.

_Cause I, just set them up, just set them up, just set them up, to knock them down.  
Cause I, just set them up, just set them up, just set them up, to knock them down._

_The radio blared as Jake and I drove through Seattle, where we were staying for the weekend. His sister had been visiting from Hawaii, and we couldn't pass up the chance not to see her while she was here. We were on our way to meet Rebecca and her husband at a small restaurant in Seattle when Jake turned off the road into a small coffee shop with few cars parked in front of it._

"_Wait," I asked, "Why are we stopped here? I thought we were going to-" _

_He had cut me off by kissing me passionately, with a fire that had never been there before. Then, he pulled away and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the car and into the shop, to a small table in the back corner. I felt overdressed, as we _had _been going to a fancy diner, while this was just a casual place to have some tea or coffee. _

_We sat down and Jake moved his chair closer to my own, intertwining our fingers. I was just about to ask him why we hadn't made our way to meet his sister, when he blurted out something I had not been expecting._

"_Bella, I love you." _

"Bella? Are you okay?" He called me back into the present, staring into the depths of my soul with his vibrant green eyes. I hadn't noticed he stopped the car and was again, on the side of the road. I wonder how many times he called my name...

"Yeah, yeah. That's just... ohmygosh," I could barely get any words out, "Are you serious?"

"Bella, I have loved you for the past 4 years. Ever since we met in high school, and you sat beside me in that biology class room, I have been in love with you. As I told you before, when you and Jacob met and fell in love, it tore me apart. I tried to find love in Lauren, but we both know that in itself is impossible. Now that Jake is gone, I mean... "  
"Edward, God, please. _Please _don't do this to me. I _really, really, _don't need this right now. We only buried him less than a week ago! I can't do this! I don't think we should.. Can we just... Can we go home for now?" I had turned to pleading.

"Home? Where exactly is that for you now, Bella?"

"You know I can't go back to his house, Edward. That would break me into pieces." A silent traitor tear slid down my cheek.

"My house it is."

Edward pulled a U-turn and I angled my body away from his, so he couldn't see the tears that made their way down my cheeks. There was no way Edward could have loved me all this while, and I still couldn't make any sense of it. The words continued to replay themselves in my mind, and they refused to vacate my thoughts.

Before I even realized, we were already back home and Edward was opening my door for me, and leading me into the house. I went back into what was now my bedroom, and got back under the fluffy white bedspread.

A couple minutes later I heard two pairs of footsteps enter the room. I sat up slowly against the headboard as Alice and Esme sat at the end of my bed, with a bowl of soup and some coffee. I smiled gingerly at them as Esme handed me the food.

"Do you want to talk about... anything, Bella?" Alice asked as she played with the hem of her shirt, clearly uncomfortable with the subject at hand. I didn't even know what I was about to say.

"Everything's just happening so fast. Jake only died a couple days ago, and Edward has been so kind to me, but... but, today... he said he loved me. And not in the way we have loved each other, in a friendly way. But he said he has loved me... since we met. And I just don't know what to do!" It all came out in a rush, but somehow Esme and Alice seemed to catch it all, and they gathered me in their arms as more tears ran down my face. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life, before this last week.

We sat silently for the next couple minutes, all of us thinking over what just came out of my mouth- each in different ways. Esme eventually got up and left, but Alice remained by my side, still holding me in her arms while I whimpered quietly.

"Don't worry Bella. I'll be here to help you get through this. It'll all be okay." She tried to comfort me and she took my hand in her own and placed them in her lap. But it didn't last long.

"How do you know, Alice? _How_ do you know that everything will be okay!?" I jolted my hand away from hers and jumped off the bed. I had taken to pacing the room.

"Because, Bella. When I get a feeling, it's normally right. Just trust me on this one, okay?" She smiled timidly from her place on the bed. There was a knock on the door, and as I went to answer it I tripped over the edge of the rug, hearing a low gasp behind me before I regained my footing.

"Bella! Is Alice in here?" Rosalie asked before she peered around the door and spotted her on the bed.

"Yeah, sure. Come on in..."

"Thanks Bella. So what you gall's talkin' about?" She asked as she sat down on the rug I tripped on not 2 minutes ago.

"Bella?" Alice asked cautiously, not know if the subject was okay or not.

"We were just talking about Edward," there was no point in keeping it a secret, everyone would know soon enough, "He told me he loved me."

Rosalie's eyes shot up from the rug and landed on my face. They were nearly bulging out of their sockets.

"He said _what?!_"

"He told me he has loved me since he met me. I don't know what to think about it."

"That… little… _bastard_! How dare he do something like that! He _knows _you haven't gotten over Jake yet. I mean, who could've?! Where is he? I'm going to go teach him a thing or two about how to…"

"ROSE! He wasn't trying to upset me! You know he would never do something like that."

We sat in silence for the next couple minutes while Rosalie calmed her anger and Alice continued to pick at the hem of her shirt.

"Hey Bells," I flinched at Jake's nickname for me, "We're all going out tonight. Me, Emmet, Alice and Jasper. Do you want to join us? It'll take your mind off things." She concluded with a happy smile.

I quickly agreed and they filled out of the room. I lied back down on my bed and began to think over all the events of the day.

--

**A/N**

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	4. Second Guesses

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**--**

Second Guesses

EPOV

The rest of the car ride, after Bella voiced her opinion to go home, was spent in silence. We were both wrapped up in our own thoughts as the time lulled on dully. I had no idea if it would be legitimate for me to speak or not. So, I instead glued my eyes to the road and thought about our short exchange just a few minutes before. I had finally admitted my true feelings and she hadn't exactly turned them away completely.

What am I talking about? I ruined everything. She was grieving Jacob, I _knew_ that. What kind of idiot tells one of their best friends they love them after her boyfriend dies? Honestly, what kind of person does that? _I'm an idiot. An absolute and complete idiot, _I thought to myself. I could tell she was thinking, that crease in her forehead I hated to see always indicated she was deep in thought, worrying. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking; I hated it when I didn't know. But I had no idea what the repercussions would be if I disrupted her. Was she upset? Or just confused? I had no idea how I was going to find out.

I was relieved when we finally reached my house, I couldn't take the silence any longer. But, to my surprise, Bella jumped out of the car and practically ran up the porch steps and into the house, tripping at least twice. It took all my self-control to not run after her and grab her hand, so as to protect her from her klutzy ways. I guess she's avoiding me.

I sighed, following her into the house. I needed to talk to her, but she was nowhere to be found. I began to ascend the stairs towards the guest room, assuming that's where she would be. "Edward. No." Little pixie Alice stepped in front of me, blocking my path to Bella's room.

"Excuse me?" I retorted.

"You're not allowed."

"And why not?"

"Cause I said so. And because Bella needs her time."

"You need your time. Get out of my way."

"Nuh uh. I'm staying here. I do need my time, the sun is coming through that window, maybe ill get a tan," she said, pointing toward one of the many windows that made up the back of our house. Alice then lay on the ground and sprawled her little body in front of the door, making entry to the room impossible.

"I hate you Mary Alice Cullen," I spat as I marched past her towards my room.

"Love you too Edward!" she called to me, a smirk playing on her lips.

--

I got to the end of the hall and threw open my door with anger. "What a mess," I seethed through my teeth. I walked through, slamming the door behind me, and over to my stereo. As soon as I put on Claire De Lune, my muscles soothed themselves and my whole being calmed. Debussy worked wonders. I paced slowly back and forth in my gold room, thinking about the past week of my life.

First, we were a happy group of friends; my secret love for Bella was just that, secret.

Second, Jacob died on the way home from my house… if I had driven him, maybe it wouldn't have happened.

Thirdly, I did my best to help Bella recover her loss but I had ruined it with point number four:

I let my secret known.

I slumped myself down onto my smooth black leather couch. Pinching my nose with my pointer finger and thumb, I let out a frustrated and defeated sigh. How was I going to make this right? Maybe I could trap her somewhere and apologize like crazy. Or, I could write her a note and slip it under the door. Or maybe… I shot up from the couch. I was acting like some psycho lovesick teenager. _Get a hold of yourself Edward_, I tried to calm myself. I began pacing again, trying to think of something liable and mature to do.

"Edward!" Emmett began to bang loudly on my door. "Edward, open up!"

"Leave me alone I'm trying to think." The banging continued and I couldn't stand it any longer. "Oh, fine!" I walked over and threw open the door. When I saw a huge Emmett smirk plastered on his face, I began pacing again.

"I don't think I want to hear what you have to say," I told him.

"I'm just here for support, I know you feel down in the dumps right now Edward. I don't like it. It makes everyone else, especially Mom, feel terrible too. The house has a real depressing vibe to it at the moment and it's driving me insane."

I once again planted myself on the couch, sighing. "Have any ideas?"

"What kind of ideas? I always have ideas."

"Do you know why 'the house has a real depressing vibe to it at the moment,' Emmett?"

"Well, not exactly. I just know you did something stupid again and now you're sad which makes every one else sad."

"You're right. I did something really stupid. I told Bella I love her."

Emmett stood motionless looking dumbfounded. "Why the hell would you do that?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "It's the truth."

"Dude, Jacob died _a week ago_. There's this thing called mourning. People go through it after someone they love dies. You should have waited man."

"Yeah, well I didn't. And I need to talk to Bella. Tell her I'm sorry, let her know I just needed her to know and I don't expect her to do anything if she doesn't want to." Emmett sighed.

"Hold on a sec," he said, sprinting from the room. I put my head in my hands as I waited for him to return. I sat there for a couple minutes until I heard the door creak open.

"Edward?" a southern accent split through the silence.

"Hey Jasper, come on in." I picked up my head and watched as he entered, Emmett right behind him.

"We came up with a plan, brother," Emmett told me as he sat on the couch next to me. "Go ahead, tell him Jazz."

"Alright," Jasper began, gesturing with his hands as he walked in front of us. "Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and I were planning on going out tonight, as a group. I know Alice, and she's in there with Bella now, trying to cheer her up. She's going to force Bella to come with us. So, Emmett here had this idea to get you in the same room as her with out her knowing you were coming beforehand. I figured this is the perfect time to do just that. Emmett and me were going to go in the same car, and the girls were going to take a separate one. So, you can just join us and the girls won't have a chance to stop us because, well, they won't know you're coming. Bella will be forced to spend the night in your company. It's the perfect plan. We're brilliant."

I stared at him, amazed. _Psycho, lovesick, teenager, much? Oh what the hell._ A smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. "Well, it's better then the plans I was coming up with… I'll do it."

--

We walked into the club and there she was, dawned in a sexy black dress slouching on a barstool. I walked toward her, fresh confidence in stride. But, as soon as she saw me, she launched her self from the stool and ran towards the bathroom with Alice on her trail. I stopped, dumbstruck, as a pair of piercing blue eyes met mine.

"Hello, Assward. I hear you were just leaving?"

"No, _Rosalie_," I said, frustration dripping from my words, "I was actually about to go talk to Bella." I began to shove past her when she grasped my arm.

"One more move Cullen and you'll wish you never popped out between your Mommy's legs." I froze. She meant it, I'd seen her in action before and it was not pretty.

"That's right, you better stand there like a dubious moron. You listen and you listen good. Bella is hurting. You made it worst. You fucking idiotic, self-absorbed, lacking a functioning brain, dinosaur poo eating, butt headed, _asshole_. You lay another hand on her and I swear to God, Edward I will personally beat you to a fucking _pulp_." Then she slapped me across the face and I felt my skin burn as a welt raised itself onto my skin. "Now go think about what I said in that corner over there." I stared at her blankly as she pointed to a couch where an old man with feathers around his neck and a woman wearing a snake around her waist sat. "I said now!" With that, she turned on her heal and marched straight toward the girl's bathroom.

"Dude, your life is not up to par," a man in a blue suit standing next to me told me. "Need some help? Here's my card. Call me when need be," he handed me a fancy card which read:

_I'm Mike! I like to help people! It's fun!_

_Whenever you feel down,_

_And want to get rid of that frown,_

_call me at _

_459-568-HAPPYYAY_

I stared at the man's back as he swiftly walked out the door. Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing next to me, their hands on their knees.

"Edward- Rosalie- dinosaur poo- that man- AHAHAHA," Emmett managed to say between chortles. Jasper smacked me on the back as they both continued to laugh.

"Not. Amused. Pissed. Off," I said bitterly. They both managed to stop their laughter and dragged me over to a booth.

"Let us drink away your problems, dear brother of mine," Emmett snickered next to me. He ordered two beers and a bottle of vodka. When they arrived, he handed Jasper a beer and kept the other for himself, placing the bottle of vodka next to me. "We're going to play a little game Eddie." I stared at him dumbly, waiting for what was to come. "We are going to have a discussion. Every time you say the words 'Bella', 'love', 'I am sad', or act angry, you will take a swig of this here vodka. Understood?"

"Understood," I spat.

"Ope, look at that. You acted angry! Take your first swig." I reluctantly lifted the bottle and let the liquid flow into my mouth. It burned my throat and I coughed as soon as I had swallowed it.

The night continued on like that and by the time the girls left the bathroom, I had finished the first bottle by myself and my head was currently draped over the table, my mouth slightly parted.

"Hey look! People," I slurred, pointing a lazy finger at the three women striding towards the table.

"Very good, Edward. We are people," Rosalie spat at me.

"Edward, I think it's time to go," Alice said pointedly but with a face full of pity. I tried to get up but would only sway and fall back onto the booth.

"What did you two do to him?" Bella whispered, shocking us all. I stopped my efforts and stared at her like she was a fish speaking perfect English. "What?" she asked innocently, "I can talk you know."

"Edward had… a bit too much to drink," Jasper said as he grasped Alice's hand in his own.

"S'your fault. Made me do it. I said love and acted angry tooooo much," I said, my head smacking off the table, with drool coming out of my mouth, amusing Emmett a bit too much then my drunkenness should have. Fortunately, after a dirty glare from Rosalie, he stopped his guffaws and helped me up from the booth.

We left the club and piled into our separate cars after Rosalie said goodnight to Emmett, Alice said goodnight to Jasper, and Bella and I stood watching their intimate moments awkwardly. When we arrived home, Bella climbed out of the car and walked toward me.

"Once you sober up, I'd like to talk with you." I watched, my mouth hanging open in shock, as she turned on her heel and walked into the house.

BPOV

After a couple minutes of lying on my bed I got up and hopped in the shower, getting ready for a night out with my friends. I chose my little black dress to wear out tonight. I always had fun when I wore this thing, and fun is something I need in my life right now.

Jasper and Emmett had already left by the time Alice, Rosalie and I were ready to leave. We jumped into Alice's yellow porshe and were on our way. For some reason we made it to the bar before Jasper and Emmett did, so we all sat down at the bar and ordered three cosmos. It wasn't long before Rosalie spoke up.

"Those stupid little fucking _bastards_!" She jolted out of her seat towards the door and me an Alice turned around to see what was happening. My eyes met with Edward's and I jolted from my own seat, but heading in the opposite direction. Alice following me in, and my some miracle the women's bathroom was empty.

I walked into an empty stall, put the toilet cover down and sat there with my head in my hands. I locked the door and wouldn't let Alice in. She went into the stall next to my own and had somehow managed for her tiny little head to reach over then stall wall and peer down at me.

"Alice? What the fuck? How did you manage to-"

"Not that difficult Bella. I'm standing on the toilet seat," she paused for a moment, "Are you okay? Do you want to go home?"

"Why would you invite me Alice? When you knew he was coming? Why would you do this to me?!" I looked up at her and began screaming. "I don't want to have to face this yet! Tonight was supposed to be a night where I could _forget _about him! Not run into him before I've even finished my first drink!" I finished my rant just as Rose barged into the bathroom.

"Open this door right now, before I have to climb under there, Bella! You don't want that do happen!" I only responded with a 'pfft'. In which she responded with sliding under the bathroom stall. Standing in front of me and pulling me to my feet.

"Stop being such a constant downer Bella! We came here to have fun tonight! Just because he's here doesn't mean that can't happen. You can just ignore him, and if he comes anywhere near you I will keep my promise to beat him to a pulp. You hear me sweetie?"

I slightly nodded my head, but she noticed and turned around and unlocked the stall.

"Oh and, by the way, you're going to pay for making me crawl under that door!"

We remained in the bathroom for a little while more and talked about Emmett and Jasper, keeping my mind off Edward. A place I didn't want to venture into yet, but Alice would ignore that fact.

"Bella, you're going to have to talk to him eventually. You can't just avoid him forever."

"Aliiiiceeee," I dragged out, "Not you too!" She simply answered with a nod of her head. I heard a chuckle from Rosalie.

"Well he _is _my brother! I have to look out for him too y'know. I think you should at least talk to him about it. Please? For me? I really hate seeing him mope around the house all day. It's being going on forever and I don't know how much longer any of us can take it before-"

"Okay, Alice. I'll do it for you." Now if only I could convince myself.

A while later we walked back into the bar where we found Edward pissed drunk, with Emmett and Jasper finding it deeply amusing. Guess this night was over.

--

The car ride back to Edward and Alice's house was dreadful. Rose and Alice sat in the front rambling on and on about things from shoes to TV shows. They tried to include me, but it was a hopeless effort.

"Bella, did you see _Grey's Anatomy _last week? I cried _so_ hard," Alice gushed.

"Yeah, uh huh. It really made me laugh."

"Wait- what? Oh forget it."

Hopeless.

By the time we arrived home, I was determined to talk to Edward. But when he stumbled out of the car with help, I knew a serious talk was not an option. Instead I swiftly walked up to him and whispered into his ear,

"Once you sober up, I'd like to talk with you." I returned to my bedroom and fell into a quiet slumber.

--

I was awoken in the morning by a barely audible knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I called out groggily. He cracked open the door, and stuck his head it.

"Oh sorry, I can come back another time if you want. I didn't mean to wake you up…" He started to back away and I looked at the clock. _1:33. Shit, where'd the time go._

"Ah. Can you come back in half an hour, Edward? I'd just like to get ready first." A small smile was playing at my lips.

"Yeah, sure. See you in a few."

About 40 minutes later, he walked back in the room, shutting the door behind him. He stood in front of me awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck before blurting out,

"Bella. I'm so sorry about yesterday. I really shouldn't have told you… at least not yet anyways. Just, look. All I'm trying to say is that I love you, but-" Well, that made my emotions all wacky. _Sigh._

"Edward, _please _don't start. I am not over Jake yet! I just can't deal with anything else! He was going to propose to me! And all you can think about is making sure I know how _you _feel about me!" I screamed at him suddenly and he staggered a step backwards, colliding with the wall. "You… oh _you_… have no idea how any of this feels to me!" I continued yelling, "Losing somebody you were madly in love with! And you still continue to rant on about your feelings for me! You know I can't deal with this Edward, you _know _I can't!" I fell exhausted onto the bed behind me.

"Wait one second. How the hell do you know he wanted to propose?! How do you know you weren't just some play toy for him, and he wasn't just going to chuck you out when he was done with you?!" He spat back, venom seeping into his voice. He was lying to himself and he knew it.

"Take that back Edward. You _know _Jake would never, _ever _do something like that to anyone! _Ever!_ And you want to know how I figured this out? Because I found the fucking ring in his pocket before Carlisle fucking called me and told me he was about to fucking _die,_ Edward. That's how I know he wanted to propose!" Tears we're rolling down my cheeks by now, and could tell by the look on his face that he felt horrible. But it shocked me that he didn't back down.

"Oh yeah? And how are you so sure about this? How do you know he was going to propose and not just give you the ring as a present for your _time with him_? I have known Jacob longer then you have and I know what he would and wouldn't do. So don't you dare walk around telling me what my best friend _wouldn't _do you little-"

_Shwack_

I had shot up from the bed and slammed my palm across the left side of his face, causing him to jerk backwards, into the wall once more. His own hand slowly rose to the now-red hand mark that resigned on his face. It then made it's was swiftly around my neck and down to the small of my back, pulling my body close to his own.

"You have to want this Bella," he whispered directly into my ear, causing goose bumps to surface my skin, "Or I'll stop before this goes _any _further." My breath was already labored and he had barely even touched me. My hands instantly shot up and fisted themselves into his hair, my lips crashing to his own. I pulled him from the wall, only to have him turn me and pin my own body to the wall.

"Ung… Edward."

"OHMIGOSH! What happened in there?! We heard a bang! Are you guys okay?!" Alice or Rose called from outside my locked bedroom door. I really didn't care anymore.

Edward continued to kiss me with a passion I didn't know he contained and I heard another shout outside my door.

"Hold on guys! I'm getting Emmett!" Alice called, not knowing what was really happening in here.

"Ah, shit shit _shit!_" I chided to myself as I pulled away from Edward, instantly missing his touch. I moved quickly to my bathroom, straightening my clothes and trying to fix my hair. But I was stopped when Edward moved up behind me and pick me up, setting me on the bathroom counter before attaching his lips right back to my own. I couldn't do this. No, I can't!

"Edward. Stop," He instantly stopped, just like I knew he would. And I swiftly walked through the bathroom door and into the hallway.

"Bella! What the fuck is wrong with you?! What the hell were you doing in there? And don't even _think _about lying to me!" Rose stormed up to me, really not surprising me much.

"We kind of, uhm, can we go into my room and talk about this?"

"ALICE! Get your tiny pixie ass over here right now." She complied, running up the stairs and following us into the bedroom where Edward still stood.

"YOU! Get the fuck out of here before I-" Rose was cut off, because his eyes went wide and he bolted from the room. "Now you, my dear friend Bella," She chuckled, "What the _fuck _happened in this here room before we intruded?"

"Well we made out? And yelled at each other. But I-" Rose was really into cutting people off tonight.

"You did _what _with that pussy-whipped bitch?!"

"Made out against that wall over there. Oh, and in the bathroom." I stated nonchalantly and pointed my finger to behind her head. Alice stood there staring at the two of us, eyes whipping back and forth from me to Rose and back again. They now rested on the wall.

I was then pushed backwards until my knees collided with the bed.

"How can you deal with yourself, you two-timing little _slut_?!" She spat in my face, and I collapsed to the floor, realizing what I had just done.

They both rushed to my side immediately, wiping away my tears and letting me stain their shirts with my sobs.

"God, I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't mean any of it. You know that, right?"

"No, it's true," I cried out, "I am a two-timing slut. How the fuck could I do this to Jake?"

"Sweetie, it's not like he's alive anymore." But that just made me sob harder.

--

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	5. Reflections

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**-**

Reflections

BPOV

_They both rushed to my side immediately, wiping away my tears and letting me stain their shirts with my sobs._

"_God, I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't mean any of it. You know that, right?"_

"_No, it's true," I cried out, "I am a two-timing slut. How the fuck could I do this to Jake?"_

"_Sweetie, it's not like he's alive anymore." But that just made me sob harder._

--

After I finally stopped crying, Rose and Alice started talking about how they were going out for brunch with their significant others. They tried to get me to tag along, but after what happened last night, I wasn't joining in on their group outings for a while.

They chattered excitedly for some time, before they ran away to get ready to leave. And I was left with me, myself, and my thoughts, which I had a lot of.

Last night showed me that even though I'm having trouble getting over Jacob, I couldn't keep pulling Edward along for the ride. It's not right! If he truly loves me like he said, then I must be hurting him. There's no way that I can't be, and I need to change this fact.

I hopped off my bed and turned on my iPod, where I stuck it on my docking station and blasted it so people 3 doors down could hear it. I've had enough thinking for a little while. I turned into the bathroom and let the water run warm, before walking back into the bedroom and disposing of my freshly worn clothes. I had already showered not long ago, but I thought a steaming bath was long overdue.

As I poured some bubbles into the flow of water my mind drifted again to a memory of Jacob.

"_Jake!" I screeched, as he snuck up behind me and wrapped his strong arms around my waist, causing the towel I had in my hands to drop to the floor. "Don't do that to me!" I shouted again as I playfully pushed his chest and removed the towel from the ground. I turned around to face Jake, where I was greeted with him smiling like an idiot._

"_Aw, I'm sorry babe." He cooed as he leaned down and placed a small kiss on my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his neck before leaning my head onto his broad chest and sighing in contentment. We stood there for a couple moments, before Jake slapped my ass and bent down to whisper in my ear, "Come on, let's get in the bath."_

_We stepped out of our clothes and made our way to the warm water and bubbles the bath held for us, before stepping in and letting the water roll over our skin. Jake sat with his back against the side of the tub, and pulled me back so my back was lying on his chest. He grabbed the glass cup beside me, and began to pour a cascade of water down my back, warming my skin. He refilled the glass, and then began to wet my hair, pouring the glass above my hair, and repeating the process. He treated me this way the rest of our bath, as if I were an infant who couldn't bathe on my own._

"_I love you, my Bella," and he bent down to gently meet my lips to his own._

I shuddered as I removed my body from the warm water, the memories of Jacob taking over my brain more often then I would have thought they would.

I went back into my bedroom and changed for the second time today- not putting in any effort anymore. Before I could even look and be disappointed with myself, I turned to go downstairs and get something to eat.

As I was descending the stairs I heard Edward's voice coming from the kitchen._ Shit_. Now I either have to talk to him, or run away. As I tried to make up my mind my feet continued moving down the stairs without me really thinking about it. And before I knew it, I was staring at the back of Edward's head, which was facedown on the kitchen counter.

"Uhm, Edward?"

EPOV

I left Bella's room with what we just did reverberating through my head. Words I hadn't meant spat themselves out of my mouth, she smacked me, then I touched her like I had wanted to for years; yet all I could feel was regret. The reasoning for the regret I felt for the way I talked to her and the way I talked about my dead best friend was an obvious feeling. Getting slapped by the girl I loved, also an obvious reason for regret. But, the way I touched her… kissed her, it was what I had been hoping for since high school. So why did I regret it?

I didn't like how it happened.

I always imagined it would be romantic, her and me in some secluded place. Peaceful, happy, and in love. As I walked to the kitchen to make something to eat in an attempt to get my mind off things, I was pulled to a memory of my first conversation with Bella…

_"Class, this is Isabella Swan. She's a new student who just moved here from Phoenix, Arizona. Be nice." Mr. Banner introduced the new student to our class as I sat at my lab table reading a Debussy magazine hidden in my lap. I didn't look up to inspect the new girl like every one else was; they get excited over any new thing presented to them. That's what I get for living in a small town. _

_I continued to read as the whispers erupted around me, I didn't care about the new girl- she was probably just another snobby teenager, she had moved from Arizona. I heard the chair screech against the linoleum floor and a huff as the new girl plopped herself into the chair next to me._

_"Jesus Christ, I feel like a new animal at the zoo," she groaned. I chuckled and looked up only to be met with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They were full of depth and a dark brown. The rest of her face was just as beautiful, heart shaped, skin smooth as silk, and porcelain. She looked precious and fragile. _

_She smiled the most breathtaking smile as she took in my reaction and reached out her hand. "Hi, I'm Bella."_

_"Hey Bella," I responded, grasping her hand. When our hands met, the most amazing feeling surged through my hand and up my arm. It was like electricity, shocking and exciting every nerve in my body. As soon as our fingers left each other, I felt the need of her skin on mine again. _

_"So… Bella, how are you liking Forks?" I asked so as to take attention away from the way I had been gawking at her just a moment before._

_"You mean besides the constant rain and stares from people? Oh, and the fact that every one already seems to know everything about me. Other than that, I guess it's not too bad." I grinned and I could have sworn I saw her breath hitch as I did so. _

_"Well… what's your name?" Bella asked me nervously._

_"Oh how rude of me, my name's Edward. Edward Cullen."_

_"Well, hello Edward."_

_"Hello to you too, Bella." And at that moment, I knew my life had changed._

--

I smiled as I remembered. Along with the days Carlisle and Esme adopted Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and me, the day I met Bella was one of the fondest memories of my life.

I wish I could go back and change how everything had panned out. I really do regret the way I had acted in Bella's room earlier, but, if I hadn't, would it be better than keeping my feelings locked up inside of me? Those aren't my true feelings; at least, I don't think they are. But if they weren't, what made me shout those awful things at her? No, I didn't believe Jacob would ever marry someone, especially Bella, to just use her. Jacob was in love and happy, I couldn't blame him for this mess I've made.

I finally made it to the kitchen and started banging around aimlessly through the cabinets looking for something to eat. The only thing I knew how to makes was greasy, unhealthy snacks. Like what Jake and me used to have during football games. Thinking that just brought on another memory.

_I was in the kitchen gathering all the snacks a man needs to make a night of watching football with his best friend complete. Carrying it into the living room without making a mess was a challenge. I usually had my brothers, Emmett and Jasper, to help me, but they were both out with their significant others tonight, Rosalie and Alice, so it was just Jake and me. Jacob was on his way so; here I was, attempting to carry enough food to feed a pack of hungry wolves by myself. I fumbled, jostled, and dropped a can of coke while trying to situate all the food in my arms. Luckily, the can didn't break, but was just shaken up. _I'll make sure to give this one to Jacob_, I thought. When I finally had all the sausages, chips, dip, and soda organized into my arms, the doorbell rang; causing all the food I had just got situated to fall to the white linoleum floor of my kitchen._

_"Dammit! Just when I- He has to ring the doorbell, can't just walk in the door. The one day I have to get all this ready by myself he decides to be polite. I swear, I'm going to kill the man," I continued to mutter on the way to the door. Once I got there, I stopped and yelled through the door, "What do you want?" _

_"Geez, someone's got their panties in a knot. I want to watch the damn game, what do you think?" _

_"Why'd you ring the doorbell?"_

_"Because the door is loc-"_

_"You made me drop the food."_

_"Well, then pick it up you dipshit."_

_"It's really messy in here."_

_"That's what she said."_

_A smile gripped my face and I opened the door. We both erupted in laughter as I clapped his back, "You're an ass Jacob Black."_

"_I know. That's why we're friends. You need a little ass in your life, Edward Cullen."_

"_Ha ha, you're hilarious." We walked into the kitchen and cleaned the floor up quickly, not wanting to miss the beginning of the game… or the first pitch. Ashley Greene was throwing it out, Jasper made me record the game just so he could see her. I was told not to tell Alice. _

"_Dang, look at that girl's leg! She should go pro…" Jacob said, amazed, as he watched her throw the first pitch. As he gaped idiotically at the woman on the screen, Jacob reached his russet arm toward his coke and picked it up. I hid a snicker, realizing what was about to happen. He plucked the can open and… nothing happened, there was no overflow of acid and no girly screams escaping his mouth. How boring. I picked up my own can and decided to tease Jacob about his interest in Greene. Which was a mistake on my part._

"_Watch it Jacob, if Bella catches you talking like that…" Saying those words pained my heart. She'd be jealous if Jacob said something, if I had, she wouldn't think twice about it. She wouldn't care. I wish I could just tell her. I wish I'd never introduced her to Jacob…_

_What am I talking about? I get to see my best friend the happiest he's ever been since I've known him and all I can think about is wishing the key to his happiness had never been brought in to his life. I brought her into his life. I did this to myself. I really need to get over this whole situation. I need to get a life._

"_Edward?" I distantly heard Jacob's rough voice call me back to reality._

"_Mmm, what do you want?" I mumbled. _

"_Are you going to open that can of coke or are you going to just stare at the wall like an idiot?" he asked. _

"_I'm going to open it thank you very much." I gripped the can and pulled on the silver tab. As soon as the top was punctured, it let out a loud hiss and began to overflow with fluid. "Crap, crap, crap! This was supposed to be your can! I can't ever get a break around here." _He gets Bella and the normal soda can, how unfair, _I added to myself._

"_Oh gee thanks, Edward," he growled teasingly. "Always leaving me second best, huh?" _

"_Always," I responded more sourly than I wanted. If he only knew how I really felt. If I only had the guts to tell him._

"_Speaking of second best, I beat you out in one area."_

More like the only area that matters_, I thought bitterly. "Doubt it."_

"_No, really. I beat you out on this one," he said, a dumb smirk spreading across his face. That dumb smirk only meant one thing: Bella. I didn't exactly want to hear how he figured he beat me out in this area when I thought of him just being able to hold her hand was equivalent of beating me out. _

"_Care to explain?" _I hope not.

"_Nah, you'll just have to wait and see."_

Good. _"Alright, well, thanks for enlightening me with this information. I really understand what you're getting at," I said with sarcasm dripping from my words. _ButI really do understand.

"_Sure, sure. Anytime." We then watched the rest of the game, chattering and teasing with each other through its length. _

--

That's the last memory I have with Jacob Black. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I came to a realization. Now I know what he was trying to get at; he was going to propose. I began muttering to myself, giving up on finding something to eat, and laid my head on the counter, feeling defeated in every way.

I heard footsteps on the linoleum approaching me but I just closed my eyes, acting like a little kid playing hide-n-seek who thought keeping their eyes shut made them invisible to the seeker.

"Uhm, Edward?" Bella's voice broke the silence I had been hiding in ever since the incident in the bedroom.

_Why, Lord, why? _

"You can't see me. I'm invisible." It was silent as my ridiculous comment hung in the air. Another thing to add to my list of regrets.

"What? Did you get drunk again?" She was annoyed. "Is that what you do now Edward? I hadn't realized you were so weak. You tell me you love me, then go and get drunk with your buddies. You tell me you love me again, treat your best friend like he was the biggest ass to walk this planet, make out with me, and get drunk again?"

"Bella, I-"

"Don't you dare interrupt me Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. I come here to talk to you, Edward, try to figure things out, and now I can't because you, you, you're just-"

"BELLA!" I yelled as tears began to make their way down her face. "I am not drunk. See? Z, Y, X, W, V-"

"Oh," she interrupted me, taking a step closer. "Now I feel like an idiot."

"Don't worry about it. So… you wanted to talk? We never did go out to lunch… would you care to accompany me to a refreshing meal?"

---

Our trip to the restaurant was uneventful and quiet, but not awkward. I guess that's a plus. I stepped out of the car and, out of habit, walked to Bella's side and opened the door for her.

"You don't have to do that Edward," she said, looking at her feet.

"I want to," I smiled reassuringly and let her walk ahead of me.

We settled into the calm and quiet restaurant and placed our orders. Surprisingly, we fell easily into discussion. If it wasn't for the bag under her eyes and the defeated way she looked, it could have been like the way we used to be, before the death of Jacob and the whole love incident.

"Jasper was thinking about taking Alice to Paris for their anniversary," I said. Jasper and Alice will be having their two-year anniversary next week and Alice would love to go to Paris, good for shopping and very romantic.

"Oh Alice would love that. I'm really surprised Jasper hasn't proposed yet," she noted as our food was placed on our table. Jasper was, in fact, planning on proposing when they were in Paris but I was told not to tell anyone.

"I can't believe Alice hasn't proposed herself. That little pixie is one impatient thing," I said, earning a giggle from Bella.

"That she is. I wish I could spend more time with her," she said, chagrinned. "I'd much rather have her as my best friend than _Lauren_," she said her name with hatred.

"I don't think you'll have to worry about Lauren anymore. Carlisle basically exiled her from the house."

"Good. I couldn't stand her anymore. And the way she was always all over you…" she blushed as she said it.

"I know. That's what we were fighting about when she decided to start destroying the house. She threw a vase and then Carlisle stepped in. Supposedly, I was showing all the signs. Of what, I do not know."

"Holy crow, what a nutcase," she said, sounding increasingly more like the old Bella.

We sat in comfortable silence for a little, enjoying our meal. After a few minutes, Bella asked, "Edward? Can I ask you something?" She began fidgeting with her food, looking nervous.

"Anything, B." The use of my nickname made her smile as she continued to use her fork to push her food around aimlessly. As she was doing so, the fork fell from her hands and under the table. We both poked our heads underneath and reached to get the fork. Our hands touched and I felt that jolt of electricity I always felt whenever I her skin was close to mine. "I'll get it." I smiled and picked up the fork. She blushed and came back from underneath the table. As I raised my head to do the same, it collided with the table. I yelped out in pain and surprise.

"Edward! Are you alright?" She giggled even though her tone was serious. "That was such a Bella thing to do."

"I guess you're rubbing off on me," I said, joining in with her laughter. She had the most beautiful laugh. I handed her back her fork and she quietly thanked me.

"So, where were we?" I asked.

"Oh, I was going to ask you a silly question… forget about it."

"No, Bella, go ahead. You can ask me anything."

She nodded nervously and said, "Well, I was just thinking about how it seemed like you used to always be playing the piano or humming some composition you were working on. I mean, the first time I met you you were secretly reading a Debussy magazine. I haven't heard you play in ages. And I miss your absent minded humming."

"That's not a question Bella."

She rolled her eyes. "I want to know why that is."

I looked down at my food and pondered. If I told her the reason, this whole day would be ruined. We had been so carefree and so much like we used to be today and I didn't want that to go away so fast. If I told her it was because of her that dust was gathering on the piano and I haven't been able to compose anything, the recovery of our relationship would surely halter. I loved her; there was no stopping that. That love I felt used to inspire me. But when her and Jacob had gotten serious… I had no inspiration. She had loved him and I had become the third wheel.

"You don't have to answer," she whispered. "I just wanted to know. I miss that part of you."

"No, it's fine. You'll just think I'm stupid." I sighed. "I haven't had any inspiration, that's all. I guess it's kind of like writer's block. My mind is just… blank." I wasn't lying- nothing has inspired me. But I wasn't going to go into any more detail than that.

"That's not stupid," she said simply. I smiled as I picked up my fork and took another bite of my lunch. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I hope you find some inspiration soon. I really do miss your music."

"Thanks Bella." And when I looked into her deep brown eyes, there was a hint of the sparkle I hadn't seen since Jacob died.

We finished up our lunch but continued to talk for what seemed like hours. When we finally got up to leave, I noticed how tired Bella really looked. This past week had really taken a toll on her. I opened the door for her again and earned a lazy smile from her. I had just started the car when she fell asleep, giving me time to think.

Today was good. After the morning's shenanigans were forgotten, we had fallen back into our easygoing selves. I still loved Bella but if I had to choose between not having her in my life and having her no more than one of my best friends, I would definitely choose the latter. I smiled to myself and turned on some music, Claire de Lune. I knew Bella loved it and thought it may soothe her while she slept.

I heard her adjust herself in her seat and whisper, "I love you Edward."

**-**

**A/N- Please, please, **_**pleasseeee, **_**remember to review! Mwah **


	6. Every Heartache Makes You Stronger

**A/N- Yay new update! We're terribly sorry we suck at updating. Vacations and not being online at the same times has gotten in our way. But we made this chapter extra long; our longest yet, so we hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns all, including us.**

Every Heartache Makes You Stronger

**EPOV**

"I love you Edward."

I held my breath and slowly turned my head to see Bella peacefully sleeping. Her lips were pulled up into a smile as she repeated my name, "Edward…" She sighed and turned her beautiful face away from me. She was dreaming of me. She was dreaming of me and had said she loved me. This day was getting better and better.

Bella was known for her sleep talking, she had been doing it her whole life. But it was usually incoherent strings of words, which is what she did for the rest of the car ride home. As she muttered things about mountain lions and armadillos I, as same people would call it, overanalyzed.

One, Bella was sleeping. Peacefully. She hadn't been doing that since her almost-fiancé, and my best friend, died. Second, she had said she loved me. I'm sure she hasn't said those three words since Jake and my name definitely never paired itself with them. Third, she had smiled and sighed. Not a forced smile or an exasperated sigh, genuine and carefree. To sum it up, Bella was making a huge improvement after spending a day with me. A comfortable smile glued itself permanently to my face.

I started to laugh at how cocky I was beginning to feel as I pulled into the driveway. Parking the car, I shook Bella awake.

"Bella? Wake up sleepy head!" I was feeling a whole lot more optimistic than usual.

She glanced at me sleepily and spotted my permanent grin. "What's got you in such a good mood?" she asked curiously before we both climbed from the car.

My grin got even bigger, if that was possible. "Oh nothing at all. It's just such a wonderful day. Don't you think?" My optimism coated voice surprised myself but Bella just looked at the meadow surrounding our house, analyzing that slightly wet flowers and grass shining from the rare sun. The smile she wore proved that she, too, was impressed with the weather.

No other words were spoken because the little pixie I hate to love decided to run out and ruin my high. She ran straight toward Bella squealing with delight, "Bella! Bella! Oh, Bella! You're never, ever going to believe where we're going this week!"

I felt my smile falter as the realization that Bella would be taken from me hit me. Hard.

"I'm going to take a guess and say it had lots of stores and boutiques," she said. I tried to keep my face composed but I could tell that Bella, who had looked at me with a small smile, saw through my mask.

Her own smile disappeared and I immediately felt guilty. It was only a week. A week couldn't change the progress we've made. At least I hoped it couldn't. Alice's squeal brought me back to reality as she said, "How'd you know?! The three of us are going to Canada!"

Bella turned her attention back to Alice, "The three of us are going where?! And three who?"

Alice never stopped bouncing, making her short and sporadic hair splay every which way. "You, Rose, and I of course," she made a face that read "obviously" and continued, "And because we're not going to France, that's why we're going to Canada! I need to do some shopping. Come on, Bella! We have to go pack, we're leaving in a couple of hours." She ran back into the house and Bella turned her attention back to me.

"Well. Guess I'm going to Canada. No point in arguing with Alice, eh?" Not even her Canadian humor could bring me out of my sudden depressive state. I gave her a quick goodbye kiss on her forehead mumbling, "I'll miss you" and followed the pixie into the house and up the stairs into my room.

I basically locked myself in my room like a thirteen-year-old girl mad at her parents for not letting her go to the mall. I stayed there the whole night, moping, pacing and over analyzing. Finally, I restlessly fell asleep.

**BPOV**

"Bella? Wake up, sleepy head!" Edward shook me awake just as we arrived back at his house. I looked up at him and he had a cocky grin plastered to his face.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" I asking questioningly as I opened the door to step outside and stretch- I'd never ever realized I was this tired.

"Oh nothing at all. It's just such a wonderful day. Don't you agree?" Another grin spread across his face. I took that chance to glance around the meadow-like area of their house. It really was a beautiful day today- an odd thing in Forks. There was no rain, and you could even hear the birds chirping. I turned back to Edward and flashed him a grin of my own.

Alice chose that moment to run out of the house, bounding down the front steps heading in a bee-line straight towards me. I braced myself for the impact and-

"Bella! Bella! Oh, Bella! You're never, _ever _going to believe where we're going this week!"

"I'm going to take a guess and say it has lots of stores and boutiques?" I looked over to Edward with a small smile on my face, but lost that smile when I saw his own expression. It was a mix between heartbreak, disbelief and curiosity.

"How'd you know?!" Alice broke in, "The three of us are going Canada!"

"The three of us are going _where_?! And three who?"

"You, Rose and I of course. And because we're not going to France, that's why we're going to Canada! I need to do some shopping. Come on, Bella! We have to go pack; we're leaving in a couple hours." Alice squeaked before she ran back into the house to gather her own belongings. I walked back over to Edward, who still didn't look content.

"Well. Guess I'm going to Canada. No point in arguing with Alice, eh?" I was already getting into the Canadian spirit. He only responded by ducking in and putting a soft kiss on my forehead, before walking into the house after Al. Although I was fairly sure he mumbled something along the lines of 'Miss You.'

"Rose! Get in the car right now or we're leaving without you!" Alice shouted from the front seat at Rose who was outside trapped in her fiancés arms. She continued to stand outside, before Alice started hitting on the horn like the mall was about to run away from us. With a final kiss, Rose pilled in the passenger's seat and before anybody could say a word, we were off.

"So why are you guys making me come with you?"

"Why wouldn't you come?"

"To get your mind of Edward, of course," they both said at the same time. I started at them both, my eyes demanding an answer when Alice started to explain.

"I'm sorry I lied, Bella! I didn't mean it! I just wanted to protect you, and make you forget about him," she said with a small smile, "plus, it's always fun to hang out with just us girls." Her small smile turned into a full-faced grin as she turned on the music and started bobbing her head along with the beat.

Alice's 'forget about Edward' plan wasn't really working as well as she thought. Different words in the songs kept reminding me of him or things we had gone through together. I sat remember old memories until I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

"Bella!" An excited Alice called from the front seat, "We're here!" She pulled me from the back seat before I had time to even register a though. We walked into a hotel across from the mall where we found Rosalie getting our room keys. Once we had them in our hands we walked to our room where a bellhop was standing outside with our luggage.

The rooms we rented were stunning. When we walked into the main room, there was a large bathroom to your left, with a mini-bar to your right. There were two couches in front of a wide screened TV and a stereo system in the corner. The three bedrooms were to the back and to the left. I could hear Alice and Rose's room claims as I headed towards my own room. It had blue walls- my favourite colour- and a queen sized bed with a headboard that reached the ceiling. There was a closet on the far side of the room as well as a TV on the wall beside my bed.

"I got this room just for you, I knew the colour was just right." I gave Alice a small smile as she skipped off towards the mini bar to mix us some drinks.

**EPOV**

I woke up the next morning to a loud rapping at my door. "Edward!" Emmett's banging voice called. "Get your butt out of this room! Jasper's busy planning his trip like he has turned into Alice and Carlisle's at the hospital. I need some freaking testosterone!"

I moaned and reluctantly got out of bed to face him. "I swear Emmett, if you ever wake me up like that again I'll be sure to knock all the testosterone out of you."

He stared at me for a minute and then burst into a fit of laughter. "Get dressed and comb your hair. It looks like you grew a mane."

"Emmett, I'm really not in the mood to do anything right now."

"When are you ever in the mood to do anything but play your dainty piano or mope about Bella? Get dressed."

"It's not dainty," I grumbled, closing the door on his face.

"You better be getting dressed Edward," he warned as I heard him head down the stairs.

"And you better protect your testosterone," I mumbled to myself as I began to get dressed.

"Emmett! Dammit, what are we doing here?!" I, of course, had to give into his whining and agreed to go hiking with him.

This was far from hiking.

"Emmett, you're engaged!"

"And you're mopey," he countered.

"I'm not mopey. Stop saying that."

"Fine. You're sulking, yearning, pouting, whatever, you're getting on my nerves acting all Grumpward all the time."

"Did you just call me Grumpward?"

"Yes. Grumpy plus Edward equals Grumpward."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. I just really don't think a strip club is going to do either of us any good. If Rosalie found out about this..."

"Okay. Stop right there. Rosalie is not going to find out about this."

"Right. Because this," I pointed to the neon signs and beat up building, "is not happening."

"Yes, it is." Without saying another word, he climbed out of the car and started walking toward the building. I watched as he swung open the slightly rusted double doors and hustled his way in to the club. That's when I noticed that the lot, besides Emmett's jeep, was vacant.

Well, that's odd.

I dragged myself out of the jeep toward the building. Peeking through the window, I noticed that the inside was the opposite from the beat up exterior.

It was dimly lit but I could make out most of the interior. Round tables were placed around the area. Plush, dark purple couches lined the edges of the club, pushed up against the walls. The tables were accompanied with chairs that matched the couches. In the middle of the room, there was a stage. Against the far right wall there looked to be a bar. Standing next to the bar was Emmett, talking animatedly to a man dressed in a black suit and purple tie that matched the chairs and couches. His hair was slicked back, making him look very important. To the right of the wall was a set of stairs, leading to a higher level that was lit up.

Slicked hair man put his hand on Emmett's shoulder and pointed to the stairs, saying something I couldn't make out via lip reading. Emmett nodded his head and they made their way toward the stairs.

What the hell.

I pulled open the door and strode in before they could disappear up the stairs. "Emmett, what the hell?!" I was rather confused. He turned around to look at me with a grin and dimple filled face.

"Decided to come in huh Eddie?"

"First, don't call me Eddie. Second, what the hell?"

"Did you really think I would bring you to a strip club? You're all strung out on Bella, you'd be no fun. And Rose keeps me occupied enough, you should know, we share a wall."

"Ugh, Emmett. Why do you think I play the piano so much? Sharing a wall with you can get a little… loud."

"Exactly," he said, winking while I pretended to gag. "Anyways, this is Demetri. He owns this place and is going to rent it out to me so I can throw a party for my Rosie to celebrate our engagement."

"And you said Jasper was acting like Alice..."

"I'm just throwing a party. But, f I start bouncing uncontrollably or squealing anytime I see something shiny, please slap me."

"I'll definitely keep that in mind," I said. "So... why'd you drag me here with you?"

"Well, first, you seriously need to stop moping." He continued, ignoring my growl. "And, I want this to be special and I don't think I can do it myself. I'd ask Jasper, but, like I said, he's making up for the absence of the little pixie."

Sighing, I nodded my head. "Okay, I'll help you. What do you have planned so far?"

He got an excited grin on his face and I made sure to threaten him with an acting-too-pixie-like-slap, "Emmett... I'm not afraid to slap you."

"Okay, okay. So, Demetri here," he paused as I shook hands with slicked hair man. "He owns this building and rents it out for parties and such." He bent lower to me, so only I could hear, "it's only a strip club on Tuesday nights you dipshit."

"Anyways, so we're just finalizing everything right now. We were heading upstairs to the office before you decided to grow a pair and come in."

I ignored his immature comment and asked, "When's it gonna be?"

"The day after the girls get back from Canada."

"Canada, eh?" Demetri finally said something, his scratchy voice made me uncomfortable. "I hear it's quite colourful there."

"Uh... yeah," I said. "They're just doing some shopping..."

"Ah, girls and their shopping."

"Mhmm," I barely hummed out. This guy was strange. It seemed all that gel he used to slick his hair back seeped into his brain. "So, shall we go close this deal?"

Emmett and Demetri nodded and shuffled up the stairs with me on their tails. I helped Emmett decide on a few more details, like the time and music. A couple signatures and a few more odd comments from Demetri later, we had the space for the party and were on our way home.

In the car ride home, Emmett explained more details of the party to me. "It's going to be a surprise. So I'm not telling Bella or Alice till the day of the party. So far, you're the only one that knows but I'm planning on telling Carlisle and Esme and Jasper later today. Demetri has basically set everything up, he's going to set up everything the day of and I'll tell Rosalie we're going to dinner or something. Everyone will be there before we arrive. Then we'll just party it up and get drunk!"

"Thank God for that last sentence because I was beginning to wonder where Emmett had disappeared to. You sound so… proper."

"Oh shut up. I just want this to be perfect for her."

"I don't want to sound like a girl or anything, but... I'm happy for you Em."

"Thanks, Edward," he said. Then he smacked me on my back. "Alright, that's all the Hallmark moment crap I'm participating in with you." We both laughed and settled into a comfortable silence the rest of the way home.

Not long after we got home, Emmett cornered Jasper and made him stop planning long enough to tell him about the party. Then he told both Carlisle and Esme and she immediately dove into more planning with Emmett. Carlisle had to go work so I was left with myself.

I lay on my bed awhile, trying to read a book, Independent People by Halldór Laxness. I loved how clever and entertaining it was and yet still had pure meaning and depth. But, I couldn't focus, which was unusual for me when it came to literature.

Huffing, I rolled off my bed and pulled out my cell phone to call Alice, hoping that she could give me an update on a certain chocolate brown-eyed girl...

The phone rang four times before it went to Alice's voicemail, "Hi!" she said in her bubbly voice. "I'm not available right now. Or, if you happen to be named Edward, I might just be ignoring you. No offense. LOVE YOU JAZZ!" Then I heard the beep signifying me to leave a message so I hung up.

"She's hilarious," I muttered sarcastically to myself.

I put my phone back into my pocket and headed downstairs, passing the kitchen where Esme was sitting with Emmett most likely planning the party.

I made my way to my piano that had been gathering dust in the foyer. Sitting on the black ebony bench, I grazed my fingers along the top of the piano. Lifting my hand, I saw a collection of dust on my fingers. It made me frown, seeing the neglect I had been giving what used to be my precious baby. I lifted the lid to reveal the ivory keys, using my fingers to caress them. Sighing, I played middle C, then cringed hearing how out of tune it was.

After quickly tuning it, I decided to warm up, playing the major and minor scales and then Claire de Lune. I always played that song before anything else, it soothed me and gave elegance to my fingers. It felt as if I had never stopped playing. I didn't feel rusty or unpracticed, I just felt at home and whole. I had forgotten how comforting this escape was for me. I could let out my feelings just by running my fingers over the beautiful ivory keys. Tapping my foot, closing my eyes, lightly pressing the keys- I was at ease.

As I stroked the keys, I thought about how uneasy I became when Alice announced that she was snatching Bella away for the week. The easy music I was creating comforted me to no end and I realized, that I had overreacted. A week wasn't long and, even though I would miss her, she probably needed that space. Sure, she had said she loved me. But she was unconscious and wasn't aware that she had said it. She- we- had lost Jacob not too long ago. She needed time. We both needed our time.

As I finished Claire de Lune, my fingers immediately continued into a soft tune. For the first time in a long time, inspiration hit.

Smiling, I thought of all things Bella- her deep chocolate eyes, heart shaped face, silky brown hair, and caring heart- and poured it into the tune. I thought of the way she said I love you, the way she had sighed my name. It was soft but complex, just like her. My fingers bounced over the keys, moving more and more into the higher range as the song progressed. Delicately increasing the speed of my fingers. As soon as I got to the highest point, I began a retreat. Slowing my fingers and pressing softer and softer until nothing... the music faded into the peaceful air.

As my fingers came to a stop, I felt a pair of hands rest on my shoulders, gently massaging them. I felt comforted and looked behind me to see my mother grinning down at me. "It's been a while since I've heard you play. That was beautiful, Edward."

"Thank you, Esme."

"It's Bella isn't it?"

My heart squeezed. "Pardon?"

"The reasoning behind what you just played. She's the reason for the beauty once again flowing from your fingers."

"Bella is the beauty."

Frowning, she looked me straight in the eyes. "Edward. Whatever's happened... I don't want you getting your hopes up. I don't want to see my son heartbroken."

"No worries Esme."

Kissing the top of my head, she rejoined Emmett in the kitchen.

**BPOV**

"Alice! This is perfect for you!" Rose called out as I stood in yet another dressing room trying on yet another outfit they had picked out for me- although I couldn't complain about this one. It was a pair of faded jeans that fit perfectly on me and a black halter top with a knot in the front, which gave off a slight gold shimmer when in the right light. I stepped out of the small room just as Alice and Rose were entering, more clothes pilled in their arms. Alice let a small squeal escape her lips and dropped the clothing onto a nearby chair. She ran over to me and gushed about how good it looks on me, insisting to let her buy it for me.

As Alice and Rose continued to try on clothes I sat and began thinking about my new shirt. I thought about the gold, and how it reminded me of someone's hair. I always thought that-

"Are you listening to us?!" Rose shouted inches beside my ear, which caused me to flinch.

"Sorry. I was… thinking."

"That's it! We're leaving!" Alice half-shouted impatiently. She stormed off with piles of clothing stacked in her small arms, and quickly paid for it all with a swipe of her card. Rose grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the store and back across the street to our hotel. Rose then informed she she'd be right back while Alice spread a blanket down in the middle of the room.

"Alice… what are you-"

"You might want to go get some comfy clothes on, we could be here a while." She then walked out of the room and returned with three spoons, throwing them onto the blanket.

"What do you think-"

"I'm back!" Rose stormed into the room, throwing a brown bag onto the blanket as well. _Can a girl not get a word in around here?_

"Bella, come on. We're having a talk." Rose informed me as she returned from her room, wearing a pair of sweats and a loose t-shirt. I glanced over at my new-found best friends with a confused look on my face as the plopped themselves down on the blanket.

"We know your still thinking about Edward. What's up with you two?" Alice ordered, not at all beating around the bush.

"I don't know guys…"

"We've got plenty of time," stated Rosalie as she opened up the brown bag and pulled out a tub of chocolate ice cream, sticking her spoon into the cool dessert, "I can sit here all night." She licked the spoon clean.

"I don't feel _comfortable_… just talking about him. You understand that, right?" I told them timidly.

"Will it help if I talk about Emmett?"

"Oh! I can talk about Jasper too, if it helps." Alice added in. Their ideas made me feel better about spilling my own guts, and Rose soon started to dive into the details. She continued on explaining everything about Emmett- from his humour, to how he can be serious and caring when needing to be. He was putting everything into their wedding as he possibly could be, and it made me miss Jake even more then I already was, but I tried to push the feelings back by shoving some ice cream into my mouth.

Emmett was the topic of conversation for the next hour or so, Alice and I putting input when we felt it was needed. We had ran out of ice cream a while ago, so I had made a quick run to our small kitchen where I found chocolate and peanut butter, we were in luck.

"So then, we were sitting there in the middle of dinner just about to tell Esme and Carlisle we're engaged when some random group of people comes up to us, asking if-"

_I was hangin' in the corner with my five best friends,  
I knew that you were trouble  
But I couldn't resist.  
I make them good girls go-_

"Perfect timing, Edward." Alice muttered to her phone as she pressed the ignore button. Rose gave me a face when I looked back at her.

"What was that about?" She asked curiously.

"What was what about?" Both Alice and I asked at the same time.

"Oh, come off it, Bella! Your eyes completely lit up when Al said his name."

"You miss him! You miss him!" Alice started chanting in a sing-song voice.

"And so what if I do?!" I shot out defensively, my tone being a bit more harsh then I had meant it to have been.

"We're not saying that's a bad thing, Bella." Rose told me compassionately, "I mean, I know you're nowhere near over Jake yet, who would expect you to be? But there's no harm in missing a… friend?"

"Yeah. I guess I get that. But I have something to ask you guys?" I told them before I lost my courage.

"Shoot." Rose called and Alice told me, "We're here for you."

"Okay. Well, Alice, you might know. When we got home after lunch and you said we were going away his attitude had changed from how we used to act together, to sad or even almost depressed."

Their reactions had not been what I was looking for. Rosalie's face turned into a gigantic grin and Alice let out a small squeak; I stared at them suspiciously. What am I not understanding?

"You're not understanding what this means, Bella!" Rose beamed.

"I said that out loud?"

"Of course you did. We're having a conversation, in case you hadn't noticed," stated Alice, sarcasm coating her voice.

"Well, that doesn't make me understand this situation any better."

_I was hangin' in the corner with my five best friends,  
I knew that you were trouble  
But I-_

"It's Jasper. You don't mind, do you Bella? Really, it'll only take a second?" I nodded my head and placed a smile on my confused face before Alice bounced away talking adamantly to Jasper.

"You really don't get it, Bella?"

"I don't have a clue."

"Not a single idea?"

"Rose! Come _on_! Please tell me."

"He loves you."

"Well, I know that. He told me. You know that too, I told you as well."

She stared at me with a look of disbelief on her face. "He loves you. He's in love with you. He wants to be with you forever. He'll do anything to be with you. He-"

"Okay, Rose, I get it. But do you really think so? I mean, I know he told me he loved me, but… I didn't think it was like that." And truthfully, I didn't.

"Seriously? By the look in his eyes I can see the way he loves you. I can see the love for you in his eyes." Rose could dig pretty deep, I must give her credit. But-

"I still don't believe it. I _refuse_ to believe it. Why would he love someone like me, I can't seem to comprehend."

"Oh, Bella. Don't even. You are beautiful, you're smart, you're compassionate and he cares for you endlessly. Don't you understand this?" Alice questioned as she returned from her bedroom.

"You're calling him to tell him you miss him." Rose demanded.

I choked on my drink. "It's official. You two are batshit insane. I am not calling him. You can't make me; I'm not going to do it!"

"Yes you will."

"Your both crazy," I informed them before storming off into my bedroom and not granting their wish of calling their brother.

The next couple days went by in the same fashion. Alice and Rosalie taking me out on more shopping trips I have ever been on in one week, going for dinners with my wonderful friends, and them all the while nagging me to call Edward and tell him I missed him. I really didn't understand what such the big deal was, but in their minds, there was one- and they were persistent on making me complete this goal.

"Bella, we're buying you this shirt." Alice told me as she brought her items to the register, including the shirt they demanded they buy me.

"Oh, also, you're calling Edward tonight. He needs to know how you feel. I bet he's going insane without you. Probably crying himself to sleep at night. Nobody to love and joke around with... All by him-"

"Rosalie! Would you just… fine. Let's go back to the hotel. Alice, give me your phone."

**EPOV**

The next couple of days were about the same- I was an optimistic pessimist. I thought a lot about Bella, played my piano, and even helped Emmett with his planning. I was focused enough to read and even play chess with Carlisle in his office. Jasper was absent for a good part of the week, locking himself in his room because he didn't trust anyone to keep the details of his trip secret.

Two days before the girls were due back home I was lying on my bed reading when my phone began vibrating on my bedside table. I picked up the dancing phone from the dark wood and rolled my eyes, annoyed when I read the lit up screen: Alice.

"Thanks for calling me back five days after I called you," I said bitterly.

"Oh," a nervous voice said. "Sorry Edward, this is Bella."

I shot off my bed excitedly and walked over to my window, appreciating the view before saying, "Oh! Hey Bella!"

Chuckling, she said, "Hi, Edward. If you need to talk to Alice—"

"No, no," I interrupted her. "I actually only called Alice to talk to you… anyway, how has Canada been?"

"It's been good, the hotel is beautiful, Edward. You'd love it. I was forced to go shopping, which was exp-" I heard muffled voices in the background that I recognized as Alice's and Rosalie's. "Alice, shut up! Oh my god, Rosalie, there's no way in hell I'm going to say that…" There were more muffled voices and then Bella continued, "Well maybe if you left me alone!" And then the muffled voices slowly faded to nothing as I heard a door close.

"…Bella? You okay?"

"Yeah yeah, sorry your sisters are very persistent and demanding women."

"I know what you mean. You should try living with them for 21 years, your descriptions of them would not be as nice as you made them out to be."

Her gentle laughter floated from the phone, making me smile. "So how has your week been?" she asked as her chuckles died down.

"Pretty boring and lonely but better now that you've called. But, seriously, I swear Alice has been rubbing off onto Jasper; he's planning this trip like it's the last thing he's going to do before he dies. And Emmett… well that's a secret that has also been keeping Esme occupied as well as himself. And Carlisle has been working. So really I've just been reading. And I've been playing the piano; I finally got some inspiration."

"That's great Edward!" She sounded genuinely happy and excited. "But, I need to know about this secret."

"Nope, my lips are sealed."

"Edwardddd," she whined. "Please?"

"I promised Emmett I wouldn't tell!"

"But, but, Edwardddd! I won't tell anyone! And I'll act surprised when Emmett reveals his stupid secret and everything!"

"Bella, you're a terrible actress. He'd see right through you!"

"I'll stand there emotionless, or just trip over something; it won't be hard for me to act like a klutz to distract him. Please will you tell me?" I could just picture her standing there, all pouty faced and adorable.

I caved.

"Okay, fine." Then I told her all about the party.

"I never knew Emmett was such the romantic," she commented when I finished describing the party. "Rose will love it."

"You can't tell her. Emmett would kill me. And I really wouldn't like that, my life is getting better and better every day," I said, thinking of the past few days and what her sleeping figure had said.

"I promise I won't, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise."

"Good. So, tell me, how was the shopping with the persistent and demanding women?"

"Very persistent and demanding… I did get one shirt," she paused.

"Bella?"

"Oh, sorry. I was… thinking."

"Don't hurt yourself."

"I'll try my best," she teased back.

"You're having fun right?"

"Of course! Al and Rose can act, well, you know. But, all in all it's been nice. I just miss you."

I sat on the windowsill I had been standing next to. She missed me? Looking through the window at the flowing water in the river that ran through our backyard, I sighed and told her, "I miss you too." I paused. "Come back to me soon?"

There was a silence and then her whispered voice said, "Always."

Again we were silent. "I'll see you in two days, right?" she asked me, with a hint of doubt in her voice.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I assured her, almost inaudible.

"Good."

"Bye Bella."

"Bye Edward. I love you."

And she hung up.

I froze. Did I hear that right…? Who says I love you for the first time and hangs up?! I zoned out completely, looking at nothing though my eyes were fixed on the view outside my window. At first I felt angry that she hung up, betrayed that she didn't give me the chance to react. But the more I sat there, the more her words soaked in and I felt my features upturn into a smile.

**BPOV**

What. Did. I. Just. Say.

"OHMIGOD! Did you just say what we think you said?!" Alice chirped as her and Rose ran back into the room, breaking their positions from listening through the door.

"Oh god, I think I did… What the hell did I do that for?!"

"Well you obviously love him. We know that now," Rosalie smiled.

"But… I didn't _mean_ to say it! It just kind of… slipped out at the end. I don't know if I'm ready for this yet, girls. I love him and all, just…" I started to hyperventilate. "Should I call him back? What am I going to tell him?!"

"Bella, it'll be okay sweetie," Rose comforted me as Alice wiped the tears I didn't know I had been crying, "I know you two. You'll be able to work it out."

"How could I betray Jake like this?" I whispered, mainly to myself.

"Here's the thing Bella. The way you loved Jake, I don't think it's the same way you love Edward. And you may still love them both, but I think the stronger love for Edward has always been there. You just haven't realized it until you've been away from him for more then a night. Jacob was always the main focus of your feelings, which isn't a bad thing of course as you were together, but you hadn't been paying attention to your feelings for Edward that were hidden underneath your current relationship. But now that you and Jake are no longer together, you've been able to think about this… this _connection_ with Edward that you've never noticed before." Alice finished with a smile. And the truth was, everything that she had just said makes complete sense. The stronger love for Edward has always been there, and now I can focus on that aspect of my life.

I rose off the couch and practically bounced into Alice's arms, surprised I didn't trip over anything, and said, "Thank you so much. I know what I need to do now." I gave Rose a tight hug as well before going back to my room, putting on some music and looking through all the clothing they had bought me this week that I could never really appreciate until now.

"_Alice._ How much stuff did you have to buy?! Get a move on! I want to leave before you get the idea of another shopping trip into that head of yours!" Rose was standing beside me, suitcases in tow, "We're going to put our bags in the car. Hurry or we're leaving without you!"

Rose and I went downstairs, putting our bags in the back of Alice's yellow Porsche, wondering how Alice was going to be able to fit all her own suitcases in, before she came bouncing across the parking lot.

"I started trying to bring my suitcases to the elevator, but then I kept dropping one, so a kind man told me he would bring them down for me. Can't miss the bright yellow car!" She winked.

Once Alice's bags were in the trunk, and some in the back seat, we were finally on our way home. What was I going to say to Edward? I wasn't sure. Everything happens for a reason, was now my new motto.

On the way back home I fell asleep, thinking it would make the trip less short, which infact it did. I only woke up when I noticed a change of terrain under the car- we were almost home. I sat up and peered around Alice's headrest where I could see the house coming into view.

Edward, Jasper, and Emmett we're all on the front step waiting for us to arrive back at home. I was out my door and in Edward's arms before Alice could even put the car in park. Rosalie was with Emmett as well.

"I missed you." I smiled up at him.

"Missed you too." He pressed a small kiss to my forehead.

That was when I noticed Alice had still not turned off the car, and could faintly hear Shania Twain lyrics before the car was shut off and Alice was in her loved ones arms.

_You're still the one that I love  
The only one I dream of  
You're still the one I kiss good night_

_I'm so glad we've made it  
Look how far we've come, my baby._

**A/N- Yes. Shania Twain inspires us. We're any of you obsessed with her, or is it just us? **

**Reviews might make us update faster!**


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